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"Paradise is invisible through the fog on the ocean..."
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I have a friend who lives in California. She is an internet buddy, her name is Lisa. She's 15 now... a young, pretty girl, her whole life ahead of her. Lisa is the embodiment of today's youth... she is young, full of angst, and confusion about life and her place in it... She has written about it, poetry. Reading it, I realize that things haven't really changed in the 30+ years since I was a child, growing up in the 60's and 70's, trying to find my way in this world. The world is still a confusing and conflicting place to be, no matter the strides the human race has made tecnologically. It seems that as soon as we figure out all the answers, they change the questions. Constantly.
Life is tough. Growing up is tougher. Growing up smart and healthy, and able to see thru the chaos is seemingly impossible these days. Lisa is working at it, writing about it... and I'll let her explain it, as she has, thru her writings...
"Mother" (This is obviously about the Goddess)
A light beyond the darkness
A rainbow after a storm
A smile through the pain
Joy amongst the evil
A friend in a world of enemies
The sun
The moon
The earth I place my feet on
A hand that feeds my hungry soul
A song that comforts my fears
That's what You are to me
Everything.
"A Whispered Prayer" (A wish of what I could be)
I wish for strength to be myself
To resist the power of prejudice and greed
To be a light in a world of darkness
To be able to feel
And to be felt
As someone who was worth something
To be known
As someone who helped to rid others of pain
A someone who was deeply and fully happy.
"Untitled"
(This one, I'm sorry to say, is when I was high, but I promise I won't do that anymore.)
Endlessly falling
The walls are soaring down
And yet staying in one place
My body, coursing down with sweat
That I cannot feel
My limbs are limp and heavy
And I can feel every pulse of my blood
My eyelids falling closed
But my eyes want to stay open
Crying out alone
In a dry-mouthed agony
It traps the lie
And only speaks the truth
Headaches
Tormenting me
As a dreamland encompassing my mind.
(The next few were written when I was in a stage of depression...yes it was REAL depression)
"Untitled"
The emptiness befalling
The darkness growing inside
My tears falling again
No where to run, no place to hide
The sadness is emitting
A dark and lonely light
Existing in the darkness
Floating through the night
Monsters up and out again
Playing in my head
Thoughts of nothing but pain
And a wish that I was dead.
"Untitled"
My heart
Breaking into a million pieces
Wondering: what does it mean
That I should feel so empty inside
How can I walk this world without any love
There is no strength in the emptiness
And yet there is no weakness
It is the child asleep
So vulnerable and innocent
And yet no one can break her dreams.
"Untitled"
The confusion seeps inside my brain
Like an old, brown-red blood stain
It doesn't seem to fade away
Want it to go, but it wants to stay
The darkness flows all through my mind
A blackened river that doesn't treat visitors kind
Floating along in a boat of madness
Existing in a world of sadness
Right now I need a heart to borrow
Today, mine's to full of sorrow
Dreaming of my empty past
Finally, I dream at last
"Untitled"
A kind of floating dizziness
Overtakes my soul
Suddenly there's brilliant light
Where everything seemed dull
A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth
A sparkle lights up in my eyes
I go to a place and I'm happy
I used to stand there to cry
But the illusion passes as quickly
And I no longer laugh at the sun
It's these days I really hate the most
It's these days I wish I had a gun.
"Untitled"
True loneliness seeps into my heart
A darkness that won't soon fade away
Yesterday's gone, tomorrow is empty
And even the now is in disarray
I sit and stare at the fire for hours
I watch as the flames slowly die
Dull and dusty thoughts run through my head
And my lonely tears I can no longer deny
I don't know what it is that I feel
Anger, remorse, or pain
My body is just a hollow shell
My mind is dead, my soul is slain
Like rain the blackness falls through me
A river of tears and blood
I cry out as I realize the truth of it all
That all of myself has drowned in the flood.
"Brother, Why Do You Cry?"
(This one is about both of my brothers: Christopher and Jason, who I fear have depression too.)
Brother, why do you cry?
Do you feel miserable as I do sometimes?
Do you feel the emptiness eating you inside
Do you feel the demons running free?
Just like me?
Brother, why do you cry?
Brother, are you heartbroken from some tragedy?
One only you can see?
One painstakingly real
But only you can feel?
Brother, is that why you cry?
Brother, is your soul shattered to pieces like mine?
Is that why you hide?
Do you wish you were dead
As you lie in bed?
This is no lie:
I know why you cry.
(The next two are about how people hide their true emotions)
"Untitled"
Sometimes, when you look hard enough
You can see the invisible tears
That fall from a lover's eyes
When they are not loved anymore
Sometimes, when you truly listen
You can hear the silent screams of the lonely
That float through the night
As their bleeding soul slumps to the floor
And sometimes, when you really care
You can feel the breaking of a woman's heart
When the man she loves leaves her side
As she watches as he kisses the girl next door.
"The Social Illusion"
Looking at the people in a room from the astral plane
Seeing the colors of the mind
You see the confusion and sorrow
That one otherwise would not find
Actually observing the expressions of others
You fully experience their pain
And from the astral point of view
True feelings exist without shame
And even in the realm of reality
Simply look into their eyes
Looking beyond their ceramic masks
You can see the darkness where it lies
"Untitled"
You tell me you love me, but what does that mean?
Are you set on breaking my dream?
Sometimes I feel that I'm nothing to you
And you don't seem to have a clue
You don't know how much you make me cry
You break me like the wings of a butterfly
When I'm around, I'm your jewel
But when I'm gone, you are so cruel
Love hurts, but why does it hurt this much?
I'm switching gears without the clutch
All I wanted was your voice on the phone
Instead you turned your heart to stone
I just want you to say to me
Those simple words that set me free
I love you so much, but you don't care
So I drown within my own despair
THOUGHTS
What would happen if the world did end? What would happen to the innocents? What if there is no "heaven"?
Some days I love life, but most days I wish it would end.
The world is a flat and boring place from Durham.
Love is never enough.
People always seem to be in a hurry. It's like they don't have enough time to just stop.
Every New Year, I bet about half the world's population resoludes to go on a diet. Probably about 1/8 of them succeed....Maybe.
No one can actually afford anything...Except Bill Gates.
The kind of environment that a person grows up in doesn't matter if their mind is already fucked up.
Paradise is invisible through the fog on the ocean.