THE CARING-SHELL

by Kerry Lindemann-Schaefer

This story is dedicated to Jacqueline Lichtenberg, who spent a considerable amount of time and energy turning a fan into a writer. Without her encouragement and guidance, the Scharns would never have existed outside of my own imagination.



"Here's the new triad partner I promised you, Jilvray. What do you think of em?"

Jilvray's round brown eyes lit up with hope as ee knelt down beside the young scharn Eddam had just shoved flat on es face in the sand in front of their hut. The stranger wasn't very big, but ee wore the red fishleather sash of a sexually mature, available adult so es clawnails must have darkened early. Es pale brown fur was matted with dried blood in several places, as was es even paler mane. Es hands were tied behind em, and a hobble of tough leather bound es ankles, making it impossible for em to take a normal step, much less swim. Eddam hadn't yet bothered to remove the blindfold used to prevent es captive from knowing where ee was being taken.

Jilvray helped the unfortunate youngster turn over onto es back. One end of the red sash tied around the stranger's waist was embroidered with the scalloped shape of a telvin shell. That would be the insignia of Clan Jegar, nearly two days' swim away, but the nearest neighbor.

Jilvray's eye fell on es own dark brown sash knotted over es left hip. One of the dangling ends had the squat "X" shape marking es status as high-Junior in a breeding triad, while the other end showed the Hilvesh symbol: a stylized krale, flukes raised and mouth gaping open. Ee'd be hard pressed to say which ee hated most: the actual krale, which haunted the deep water and preyed on scharns, or the vicious Clan that had taken such a beast as its symbol.

As ee pulled off the blindfold, Jilvray saw reflected in the young captive's eyes the terrible desolation ee emself had felt when ee'd first been brought here almost three years ago. Buried hatred broke through to the surface of es mind like the sudden breaching of a krale and ee knew ee hated Clan Hilvesh more than ee'd ever hate any wild beast, no matter how fearsome that beast might be.

But ee had to put that aside for now.

Jilvray's heart went out to the young stranger, but ee knew there was nothing ee could do to help. Telling emself this was the Third Parent ee'd need to ensure a proper second fertilization for the egg ee was soon to bear, ee began working on the knots securing the youngster's wrists, doing es best to avoid meeting es eyes.

"Hey, be careful," Eddam said, grabbing Jilvray's own wrists. Es long brown clawnails pricked heedlessly into the flesh beneath es Junior's fur, but es thoughts were closed off tightly so nothing seeped through the contact point formed by those sensitive claws. Jilvray envied Eddam's control. Ee emself was always sloppily leaking emotions whenever ee touched someone. The Senior's Inner Shell was strong.

"Ee claws like a grishmaul," Eddam cautioned. "Came close to putting my eyes out when we first caught em."

Jilvray pulled es hand out of es Senior's grasp, going back to work on the knots. "Ee won't hurt me. Ee's scared enough, without being tied hand and foot."

This was all too true, but there was a burning hatred under the youngster's fear, despite es pathetic condition. Jilvray could feel it as es clawnails touched the other scharn's hands, as ee rubbed them gently to restore circulation. Ee carefully avoided letting es claws come in contact with the stranger's claws, not wanting to feel the full extent of that hatred. It would only remind em yet again of how ee felt about Eddam and all of Clan Hilvesh. That was something ee had trained emself to forget, for such feelings could be dangerous.

The captive sat up, tossing es head to throw es disheveled mane out of es face. The short fur over es left cheekbone was caked with dried blood and es lips were split and swollen from a blow. The longer fur on the rest of es body doubtless hid other cuts and bruises. Nevertheless, with es handsome flat nose and amber eyes, ee would be quite attractive, if ee weren't so battered.

Jilvray checked the hobble around the captive's ankles to see that it wasn't too tight, but ee knew better than to suggest it be taken off. Someday, perhaps, when they were certain ee wouldn't try to escape--maybe when ee was carrying es own egg. But certainly not now.

Eddam grabbed the youngster under the arms, lifting em roughly to es feet. "Come on. Let's take our new partner in the water right now and make sure ee knows ee's ours." Ee grinned nastily and pulled the youth against the front of es body. The little scharn tried to squirm away, but Eddam had a hand on es throat, clawnails poised over one of the large arteries.

"I think ee knows whose ee is, Senior," Jilvray said. "Give em a chance to recover before we take em into the water."

Eddam's dark blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "I said 'now,' not tomorrow. You're the one who's been after me to get us a third partner ever since Arlysh died. I finally bring you someone, and you don't want em?"

Jilvray shifted uneasily on the sand. Perhaps if ee hadn't nagged Eddam, this poor youngster wouldn't have been torn from es home and family. "I wanted us to choose someone from our own Clan, not kidnap a stranger."

"There's no one available now." Eddam began to sound distinctly annoyed. "If you want a partner, here ee is. If not, I can find another triad that'll be glad to take em."

Jilvray sighed and hoisted emself to es feet, swaying a little with the weight of es heavy belly as ee tried to get es balance. Ee knew any further argument would be useless. Ee should just be thankful Eddam had found them a third partner. Best not to push em too far.

Favoring es right foot as they circled around the low dunes lying between their small thatched hut and the ocean, Jilvray limped along behind es Senior.

The land curved slightly outwards off to either side, as Hilvesh's territory lay roughly in the center of a shallow indentation in the coastline. Sixteen other huts nestled in the hollows between dunes, protected from the wind but close enough to the safety of the ocean should nocturnal predators raid the Clan. In the central and safest location, where the Elders dwelt, stood the largest and most elaborate hut, its top almost visible over the nearby dunes.

As the three scharns crossed the beach, two others waded in through the low surf, fishing spears in hand. One of them held up several cranids and a bigeye, shouting cheerfully, "Fish hunting's good today, but it looks like you and your friends brought home a bigger catch than we did, Eddam!"

The Senior waved es acknowledgement, grinning broadly. Eddam's age-darkened fur gleamed with black highlights in the bright sun, es face and mane almost completely black. Although ee wasn't quite as tall as Jilvray, ee was stocky and muscular and far more powerful.

As they splashed into the wash of the waves, Jilvray pointed out quietly, "We don't even know our new partner's name."

Eddam swung es stumbling captive around to face them. "What're you called?"

The bedraggled stranger tried to pull emself up straight. Ee ignored Eddam, looking directly at Jilvray as ee answered with as much dignity as ee could muster under the circumstances, "I am Senesh m'var Relle's dar Jegar."

Jilvray sighed gently with relief. The middle part of the name made it clear Senesh had not yet joined a triad. It would be easier for em to adjust if ee had left behind no partners.

"No, you're not," Eddam corrected, shoving em so ee stumbled and fell awkwardly down into the water. "You're Senesh shar Eddam's dar Hilvesh now, my little one. And don't you forget it." Ee reached for the young scharn's waist, untying the red sash and tossing it negligently into the waves. "So much for Clan Jegar. You can forget you ever belonged to them. I'll see you get a proper Hilvesh sash when we return to shore, if I decide to keep you as our low-Junior."

Jilvray sank down into the cool green water, glad to feel it take es weight. Ee unfolded es long webbed toes from their cramped walking position under the soles of es feet and began swimming along next to the other two scharns. Even though es crippled right foot slowed em down, swimming was far less painful than walking.

Senesh couldn't swim very well with es feet tied, but Eddam pushed em along until the water was well over their heads, then grabbed em and dragged em under.

Jilvray floated on es back, rising and falling on the gentle swells and trying not to think of what was going on beneath the surface since there was nothing ee could do to stop it. Not far away, a seabird skimmed across the tops of the waves. The bird cried out, a long triumphant warbling ending in a sob. The sound reflected Jilvray's conflicting feelings only too well.

Senesh seemed rather nice. Jilvray didn't want the youngster to hate em. In fact, ee was beginning to hope Senesh might learn to like em, at least a little.

Then ee caught sight of es body floating in the water and shook es head sadly. Once es fur had been smooth and shiny, with a nice yellow tint underlying the basic brown. Once other people had looked at em and found em pleasing. But that had been long ago, before ee'd been kidnapped and brought to Hilvesh. Now es fur was dull, es mane tangled and unkempt. Why should ee bother to take care of emself? To attract es Senior?

Ee shuddered. Eddam's attention was the last thing in the world Jilvray wanted.

Es body, swollen with the egg ee had carried now for almost three Hands of tendays, seemed to em gross and sloppy, where it should have been beautiful with the promise of new life.

No, it would be too much to hope Senesh might come to like em. Ee didn't even like emself. But Senesh was the partner ee so desperately needed. Time was growing short. One way or another, Jilvray would do es best to keep em, even against the youngster's wishes.

It wasn't long before the other two scharns returned to the surface. A thin red streamer of blood drifted out into the water from a fresh gash on Senesh's arm, so Jilvray figured ee had tried to fight Eddam off. The young one was brave, but foolish. Ee would learn.

Ignoring Senesh, Eddam reached over for Jilvray, es eyes unfocussed and vague with lust. Jilvray obediently turned es back to es Senior, placing emself in the proper position. Eddam's strong arms pinned Jilvray's hands to es sides and es extended organ already probed between es Junior's thighs, seeking es genital orifice. Jilvray took a breath, closed es eyes, closed es nostrils, and tried to close es mind, as Eddam pulled em roughly below the surface to complete es penetration.

When Eddam was done, ee released es partner. Knowing full well what was expected of em, Jilvray took hold of es Senior, dutifully doing to Eddam as Eddam had just done to em. Es body was ready enough and es organ was fully extended, but es mind was numb. Jilvray would just as soon have mated with a grishmaul.

While they were occupied, Senesh had attempted to swim away despite the hobble around es ankles. Eddam caught em easily.

"Ee's all yours," Eddam said, shoving the youngster into Jilvray's arms. "Have fun."

Forcing sex on someone wasn't Jilvray's idea of fun.

"Couldn't I -- couldn't I wait a while, Senior? Until ee recovers a bit?"

Exasperated, Eddam smacked es Junior on the side of the head with the palm of es hand. "If you want a partner, you consummate our triad completion now. I'm sick and tired of your complaints."

Jilvray knew Eddam would use es clawnails if ee had to hit em again. And ee did want this Junior; wanted em very much. Besides, with ee emself already pregnant and neither Senesh nor Eddam in shirren, this was only casual sex. Nothing serious could come of it, so it wasn't all that important.

Telling emself ee had no choice, ee pulled Senesh under the water, but ee let es claws touch Senesh's flesh and opened es Inner Shell just enough to show the youth es shame and regret.

Jilvray didn't enjoy what ee did then, but ee did it anyway. As soon as Senesh realized ee was being used as gently and considerately as possible, ee stopped struggling. Jilvray found emself wishing Senesh would want to complete the sex act properly, taking em in es turn, but that would be too much to ask, under the circumstances. By Hilvesh custom, this would be enough to consummate their triad-bonding and satisfy Eddam.

By the time they'd come to the surface, their Senior was already swimming back to the beach.

"I'm sorry," Jilvray said, seeing the ravaged look in Senesh's eyes as ee floated upright in the gently-rocking waves. The short brown fur on es own face would have fluffed with shame if it hadn't already been slick and wet.

"Not your fault," Senesh muttered. "I could tell you didn't want to do that." Then es eyes swept the empty ocean around them. "Help me get away," ee said, looking back at Jilvray. Es eyes were the yellow-brown of the ripe seed stalks poking their heavy heads above clumps of beach grass now that the Cooling Season was almost over. "Come with me, and we can both get out of here."

Jilvray shook es head. "It's not that easy, shaiya." Senesh frowned at the term of endearment, but Jilvray didn't let that discourage em. "Don't you think I tried to get away when they first brought me here? With that hobble around your legs, they'd catch you before you got very far."

"I won't stay here! I want to go back to my family."

Jilvray put a hand on es shoulder. Senesh looked down at the long webbed fingers and dark brown clawnails resting on es fur. Faint streaks of iridescence showed within the dark claws, outlining sensitive nerves. The claws on the first two fingers were twisted and deformed. Senesh held es Inner Shell tightly closed, not inviting contact.

"Come back to the beach," Jilvray said softly. "We'll talk about escape later. I'll put some mashed tarranberry leaves on your cuts before they get infected."

Senesh's eyes swept the seaward horizon with longing, but ee did as Jilvray advised.


Later, as ee fed the youngster a good meal and tended es wounds, Jilvray was well content. Es coming child might yet live, now that ee had Senesh to be Third Parent. All ee had to do was convince the youngster of the futility of trying to escape. That shouldn't be hard.


It was only a day later that Jilvray bore es egg, earlier than might have been expected, but not abnormally so. The contractions started early in the morning, but ee went about es duties as usual, not wanting to say anything until ee was sure es labor was well-established. This would be the first time ee had been able to carry an egg to its full term, so ee wasn't as confident as ee might have been.

Finally, ee could conceal es growing discomfort no longer and ee had to tell Eddam.

The Senior had been on lookout duty during the previous night, so ee was sound asleep in the back of the hut even though it was almost midday. Senesh sat against one wall, staring morosely at es bound ankles as Jilvray crossed over to Eddam and knelt alongside es sleeping mat.

"Senior?" ee said softly, hesitant about awakening em but knowing ee needed the other scharn's help. "Senior, please wake up. Senior --"

Jilvray's voice ran out as Eddam turned over and
glared at em.

"What do you want?"

"I'm in labor."

Being deliberately obtuse, Eddam stretched languidly and asked, "So?"

"I need your help," Jilvray began, es eyes cast down. "You're Second Parent to this egg --"

"If you think I'm going to make contact with you, you're mistaken," Eddam replied grumpily.

As the one who had originally fertilized the egg, Eddam could have made an exceptionally close mental contact with Jilvray, easing es pain and helping em dilate far quicker than ee could on es own. Refusing such contact was a Hilvesh Senior's prerogative, but it wasn't usually invoked.

"But --"

Eddam turned es back. "Forget it. You're the one who wants the child, so you can just do it by yourself."

"Eddam, please," Jilvray started to plead, then doubled over as another contraction began. Ee concentrated on es breathing and on the relaxation exercises ee'd been taught as a child.

As the contraction eased, ee became aware Senesh's hand lay on es shoulder. "Forget about em," the young scharn said scornfully. "I'll help you. I'm not afraid of a little pain. Come on outside, where we won't disturb this miserable excuse for a Senior."

Jilvray half expected Eddam to react to the insult with a blow, but all ee did was give a short laugh and make emself more comfortable.

Taking one of the grass mats from inside the hut, the two scharns found a relatively secluded spot between the higher dunes at the back of the beach and sat down. Jilvray held a short length of padded stick in es hands, to prevent es sharp clawnails from inadvertently digging into the palms of es own hands. With an encouraging smile, Senesh closed es hands over Jilvray's. As their clawnails interlaced on the stick, the youngster carefully opened es Inner Shell, making emself available to share in the pain and help with the bearing.

Although the Inner Shell had no true existence, it was the visualization device all scharns used to control their mental contacts. To prevent unwanted intimacy, a scharn was trained from infancy on to protect the innermost core of es personality by picturing it as enclosed within a hard shell, with the two sections tightly closed. The type of shell might vary with individual preference, but it was always a bivalve, capable of opening when necessary but normally kept clamped together.

The labor wasn't easy, but Jilvray hadn't expected it to be, without Eddam's help. Senesh did the best ee could, but ee wasn't Second Parent and ee couldn't do it as well as Eddam would have been able to. Jilvray's deformed clawnails made it just that much more difficult, since they distorted any contact ee attempted.

It was late afternoon by the time Jilvray's internal sphincter stopped dilating and it came time for Senesh to enter em and perform the necessary second fertilization. Jilvray wouldn't open fully until that was done, so it was of vital importance to more than just the survival of the egg. Without it, the egg, and very possibly also its First Parent, would die, Jilvray because ee wouldn't dilate any further and might not be able to expel the egg, and the egg because the embryo within would cease to develop and would later die unhatched, even if by some miracle Jilvray managed to expel it.

Senesh shifted emself into the proper position kneeling behind Jilvray without losing es grip on the stick for even a moment. Bleary with pain and effort, Jilvray allowed Senesh to guide es hips down over the youngster's extended organ.

Senesh thrust into em hard, groaning as ee ejaculated with the urgent but not particularly pleasant spasms characteristic of second fertilization. If it was successful, the egg would live. Despite es exhaustion, Jilvray smiled.

Then Senesh was urging em to push, and Jilvray's world shrank down to become the size of the seemingly huge mass ee was attempting to force out of es body. Choking back es screams, ee went with the pain instead of resisting it, gathering it together and using it to push harder. Part of es mind noted Senesh's continued contact, the other scharn's unflagging presence and support calming em and holding at bay the fear that might have distracted em from es efforts, the fear of not being able to expel the egg, of dying in agony as es body tore itself apart trying.

The pressure between es legs became almost more than ee could stand and ee was sure ee'd rip in half. Ee did scream then, but ee was so exhausted it came out as little more than a shrill moan.

Ee became aware of Senesh, still crouched behind em, supporting em with es arms while es hands covered Jilvray's on the padded stick. Reality came back into focus. The relentless pressure was gone and ee was still alive.

Jilvray slumped back against Senesh, half fainting. Es egg lay in the sand between es feet, the soft sand-colored shell beginning to harden immediately on exposure to the air.

Turning to face Senesh, Jilvray gasped, "We did it."

The young scharn grinned, amber eyes shining. Ee looked almost as worn out as es partner. "Yes," ee agreed, "we did, didn't we?"

That night, Jilvray fell asleep with es precious egg cuddled under one arm, covered with a very worn scrap of jophet fur. Ee hadn't felt so pleased with emself for a long, long time.


In the morning, Senesh was nowhere to be found. Eddam and several other Seniors set off after the runaway. The youngster hadn't gotten very far before ee was caught and brought back.

Eddam didn't bother to take es errant low-Junior to the Clan Elders for judgement. An attempt at escape was expected of a new captive, especially one with spirit, so all ee did was have es friends hold Senesh while ee taunted the youngster and thrashed em, reopening half-healed cuts and creating new bruises.

"Try it again," Eddam warned when ee was through, "and I'll call you down before the Elders for disobedience to your triad Senior. They can break your claws for that, my little one, so think twice before you presume further on my good nature."

Then ee strode away, leaving es Junior to lie bleeding in the sand.


Later that afternoon, Jilvray lay staring unhappily at the sleek fur of Senesh's back. The youngster sat off to one side of their small dwelling, refusing to eat or speak, es attitude as chilly as the damp breeze coming in off the sea. Every so often, ee plucked a leaf out of the framework of interwoven branches that formed the curved wall of the hut, shredding it viciously into small pieces with es clawnails. Annoyed by es low-Junior's sullenness, Eddam picked up es fishing spear and strode off towards the ocean to hunt fish.

Jilvray tried to push emself up into a sitting position, but didn't quite have the strength. A drink of cold water would have tasted good, but, after what had happened, ee didn't want to approach Senesh with a plea for assistance. They had seemed so close during the bearing, but that only made Senesh's present withdrawal into emself harder to stand.

Sinking back onto the grass mat, Jilvray said quietly, "You were heading in the wrong direction, you know. We're out on a peninsula. There's nothing that way for days but forest, and then you come to the open ocean. You should have gone the other way."

Senesh turned. "How would you know?" ee asked, contempt clear in es shaking voice.

"I tried to run that way once. There's nothing there."

Senesh grunted and turned es back again. "Will they really break my clawnails next time?" ee finally asked, es voice grudging.

Jilvray stroked the egg cuddled in the crook of es arm, remembering that other egg ee had been carrying when ee had first been brought to Hilvesh. The egg ee had miscarried, alone in the forest as ee'd tried to escape yet again, the clawnails on es right hand torn and raw.

"Oh, yes. And if you keep it up, eventually they'll break your toes," ee replied, trying to keep es tone light.

"Are there many others here who've been kidnapped from different Clans?" Senesh asked, still facing away from Jilvray.

"Not too many. It's only when a triad really needs a new partner and there are no available Hilvesh adults such a thing happens." Ee shrugged, trying to pass it off as a natural occurrence. "Hilvesh keeps to itself more than most Clans do, with very little trade or visiting permitted. They don't even host Choosings. And you know how the Clans are about interfering in each other's business. Nevertheless, if too many people disappeared, the neighboring Clans would start to wonder what was going on. One person now and then isn't likely to be noticed. Sometimes scharns go fish hunting and never return. Everyone just assumes they've been eaten by krales or something."

"No one gets away to tell about it?"

"No one I've ever known of." But I tried, little one. Harder and longer than you probably will.

"I won't stay here. I'd rather die."

Jilvray closed es eyes, glad Senesh was facing away from em so ee wouldn't see the pain ee knew must show on es face. Once again, ee forced emself to sound casual. "That's what I said, at first. But life goes on and you get used to it. Eddam isn't so bad, after you learn how to keep from getting em angry. And once you have a child, you won't be so willing to try to escape."

"I won't stay!" Senesh bent forward, and Jilvray knew ee had to be working at the tough leather that bound es ankles.

"You can't undo those knots, shaiya. Don't waste your energy. The Elders take the hobble off with a special substance that dissolves the leather, when they think you can be trusted not to run anymore."

Senesh looked around. "I take it they trust you, since you're not tied."

Jilvray flinched at the scorn in es young partner's voice. Deliberately, ee lifted es right foot and painfully attempted to stretch es toes to their full length. The webbed toes that should have unfolded into a broad swimming surface would barely even straighten out completely, twisted and cramped by the two misshapen toes on the outside edge. "I'm not going anywhere like this. A hobble isn't necessary for someone who can just about walk."

Senesh said nothing, but ee came over to sit next to Jilvray. Looking down at the incubating egg the other scharn held in the crook of es arm, ee absently straightened the ragged jophet fur. The tan shell was tough and leathery now. Senesh's eyes darted down to Jilvray's crippled foot, and ee looked away.

"They broke your toes?" ee asked at last.

Jilvray didn't really have to reply; the answer was obvious. "Even if I did manage to escape, I'd be of no use to anyone like this. I can't swim well enough to hunt fish. I can't take my turn on lookout duty at night with the defenders. I can hardly walk. I'm surprised I haven't been caught by a grishmaul long ago." There was no trace of self-pity in es voice, only resignation. They'd broken es spirit along with es toes, or at least ee always told emself they had. "And by the time my toes healed, Arlysh was carrying a fertilized egg and I was Second Parent. How could I run again, knowing the child would suffer if I did?"

Ee cuddled es egg closer in es arms, hoping Senesh would understand the meaning behind what ee had just said. The triad had to be complete when es egg hatched.

"You could have left the baby to Eddam and Arlysh. A child can sometimes survive with only two Parents," Senesh pointed out.

"Eddam doesn't like babies. Ee even refused to help nurse es own last hatchling."

"But -- how could ee -- that's awful -- I mean --"

Jilvray tried not to hear the disgust in Senesh's voice. Ee raked es long clawnails through es dingy brown mane, trying to comb out some of the tangles. Ee must look even worse than usual, after the bearing. Senesh mustn't think ee didn't at least try to keep emself well-groomed.

Ee hit a snarl and began to work at pulling it apart, but es fingers trembled and es voice shook as ee said, "Eddam's hatchling died before it was Named. Arlysh and es baby died when a pack of herndslish raided the Clan, but by then I was carrying my own egg. Don't you understand, shaiya? I need you, or I lose this child also. I don't think I could stand that."

Jilvray's fingers were by now hopelessly entwined in the thick fur of es mane. Ee turned away from Senesh, knowing ee'd said too much already.

"Here, let me work on that tangle," the younger scharn said gently, moving closer. "You just rest."

Jilvray complied, luxuriating in the rare feeling of having someone fuss over em. Without having to be asked, Senesh even brought em a drink of fresh water and a piece of starflower fruit. As ee bit into the tough white rind and let the tart juice run down es throat, Jilvray decided ee could easily get to like this sort of attention.


The days lengthened into tendays, and Senesh said nothing more about escaping. Ee did whatever Eddam told em to do quietly and without comment, behaving as was proper for the low-Junior in a triad. Ee spoke respectfully to other members of the Clan when ee had to. While ee was careful to make no enemies, ee made no effort to make any friends either.

This pleased Jilvray, who had always had as little as possible to do with the rest of the Hilvesh scharns emself.

But every so often Jilvray caught Senesh staring out to sea with a faraway look in es eyes, and on clear nights, ee'd sit studying the thickly clustered stars twinkling overhead.

"What are you looking at?" Jilvray asked one night, trying to distract em from es solitary thoughts.

The youngster pointed at a bright group of stars, low on the horizon. "In my Clan, we call that the Shell. Jegar. That's where our Clan name comes from."

It didn't look much like a shell to Jilvray, but every Clan had their own names for the designs they saw in the night sky and some made even less sense than that. Ee shrugged, sorry now ee'd asked. Senesh was thinking of home.


Next morning, the youngster had run away again.

Although ee got little further this time than ee had the last, ee had been going in the right direction when they caught up with em. True to es promise, Eddam called em down before the Elders for willful disobedience. Jilvray watched in silence while the Clan's Chief Elder broke the clawnails on one of the youngster's hands, tearing them back far enough to rip through the sensitive nerve endings. Jilvray winced,remembering anew how it had felt: the burning agony running from fingertips to elbow, the terrifying sensation deep inside the mind, like having a grishmaul's cruel claws tear a chunk out of your very soul.

Senesh didn't utter a sound while they were torturing em, but late that night ee crawled over to Jilvray and cried in es arms, quietly, so as not to wake their Senior.

"You see, they're not going to let you get away. Hilvesh can't take a chance the other Clans might find out what they've been doing," Jilvray whispered, stroking em gently and allowing es clawnails to brush casually along Senesh's skin, even though it meant ee would have to feel an echo of the awful ache that was the other scharn's maimed hand. "You'll stay now?"

Senesh burrowed closer into es partner's arms. "No," ee murmured in angry defiance. Although es Inner Shell was closed, the emotions leaking out around the edges backed up es words.

Jilvray stroked es mane and kissed the soft fur on es forehead. "You'll pretend to stay then. Or they'll hurt you worse."

"I'll pretend," came the muffled response. "For now."

Jilvray had to be satisfied with that.


By the time Senesh's claws had healed, the Cooling Season was over and the Cold Season had taken hold. The egg was halfway through its incubation period of two Hands of tendays. Life was good for Jilvray, with Senesh around. There was someone else to take the brunt of Eddam's sexual demands, and another pair of hands to gather food and help with the work. Amongst other things, Senesh turned out to be an excellent weaver. Es baskets and grass mats were much in demand, since they reflected an attention to detail and design not often seen in Clan Hilvesh.

Senesh's clawnails healed better than Jilvray's had. Ee found ee could make mental contacts almost as clearly as before, without the distortion Jilvray experienced with the worst of es own badly deformed claws. But then, the first time they had broken Jilvray's claws, they hadn't really done too much damage either. The Chief Elder had been quite angry by the time ee'd gotten to Jilvray's other hand. Ee hadn't been as careful.


Then came the day when Eddam noticed Senesh was going into es first shirren.

The youngster had been acting strange all morning, saying little and keeping away from es partners. Ee sat in the sunshine outside their hut, head bent over a basket ee was weaving out of roughbark needles. Jilvray's egg lay beside em, half buried in the sun-warmed sand.

Eddam had speared a large cranid that morning so Jilvray cleaned the scales off the fish, then sliced the succulent flesh into strips and wrapped them in long gingo leaves for midday meal. The smell of raw fish combined with the pungent spiciness of the leaves wafted invitingly to es nostrils, reminding em of how hungry ee was.

Eddam sat waiting for Jilvray to finish preparing the fish, absently swinging one end of es sash between es fingers. The Senior's insignia on the end of that sash consisted of the same squat "X" on Jilvray's sash, with the addition of a vertical line down the center, forming a vaguely starlike design. It caught Jilvray's eye, tempting em into a wistful daydream.

If anything happened to Eddam, Jilvray would automatically become triad Senior, with Senesh as es high-Junior. Then they would be free of Eddam's domination. They could be happy --

The pleasant thought broke off when Eddam demanded impatiently, "Isn't that fish ready yet? I'm starved."

Silently, Jilvray brought the choicest pieces over to es Senior, then took some of the others out to Senesh.

The youngster waved em away, mumbling, "I don't feel like eating right now."

"But you didn't have anything this morning either, shaiya. Come on. How often do we have fresh cranid, after all?"

Senesh just shook es head.

Eddam set down es meal and came over to es two Juniors. Senesh shrank back against the thornbush behind em, looking miserable. "Not hungry, eh?" Eddam asked softly. "Maybe feeling a bit sick to your stomach too?"

Senesh shook es head but said nothing as the Senior knelt down next to em and pushed the half- finished basket off es lap. Eddam placed one hand against es partner's abdomen, fingers spread and clawnails reaching roughly under the fur. Es eyes unfocussed for a moment and then ee gave a short laugh. "Just as I figured. You're going into shirren."

"No," Senesh moaned softly.

Eddam sat back on es heels. "Oh yes, little one. I can tell."

"But -- but Jilvray's egg --I mean, I wouldn't go into shirren while the triad has an egg, would I?"

"Usually not, but first shirren can be unpredictable. It's not easily inhibited." Eddam smiled cruelly and reached out to stroke Senesh's shoulder. "This will be fun. You're not going to be so reluctant to go in the water with me now, are you?"

Senesh tried to turn away from es Senior. "Oh, no, please. I don't want to conceive."

Eddam grabbed a handful of the young scharn's mane and forced es face around. "Not interested yet, huh? Well, I can wait. By this time tomorrow, you'll be begging me for it."

Eddam released es Junior and got to es feet. Senesh clutched es knees to es chest and began crying.

"I'd rather go eat with some of my friends than listen to all this snivelling," Eddam said. Scooping up Jilvray's carefully wrapped fish strips, the Senior strode disdainfully away.

Jilvray went over to crouch beside Senesh. Putting an arm around es shoulder, ee held the youngster, rocking em and trying to console em.

Suddenly, Senesh pulled away. Ee rose to es feet, turning decisively towards the forest behind the low dunes of the Clan's beach. Jilvray limped after em, certain of es partner's intentions.

"You can't try to run away now," ee said, as ee grabbed Senesh's shoulders. "Eddam will be expecting it. Ee and es friends will be waiting for you. Don't be a complete idiot!"

"But I don't want to carry an egg. Ee'll force me," Senesh protested. Ee shuddered, placing one hand low on es groin, as if for protection; a protection that would prove all too futile against es Senior.

Jilvray placed es own hand over Senesh's, suddenly shy. Despite es damaged clawnails, ee could vaguely sense the newly released egg, high in the oviduct and ready to be fertilized. Senesh reacted to the touch with a sharp intake of breath, already under the influence of the hormones es body had begun to produce. Once ee was in full shirren, ee'd be virtually incapable of refusing sex, despite all es wishes to the contrary.

Not that Eddam would allow em the chance to refuse, anyway.

Jilvray slid es hand down lower, reaching through the thick protecting fur to touch the edges of Senesh's genital slit. The youngster's organ was already partially extended from its usual position inside the body cavity.

"Come in the water with me," Jilvray invited.

"No."

But Jilvray could hear the hesitation in es voice. They were partners, after all. Senesh would be focussed on em and wouldn't be able to resist for long. The youngster must know that.

Jilvray changed es approach. "Look," ee said, "never do what they expect you to do. Eddam knows you're in shirren, so ee'll expect you to run away again. You'll never make it." Angered, Senesh tried to draw back, but Jilvray took hold of es shoulder. "Instead, you've got to make em think you've accepted the situation. Then, if you must try to escape again, do it after you're out of shirren."

"But I don't want to carry Eddam's child."

Jilvray nodded, smiling conspiratorially. "Of course you don't. Come in the water with me right now. Then there'll be a good chance I'll be Second Parent, not Eddam."

Senesh's eyes held rebellion, but es resolve was weakening. "Ee'll be angry."

Jilvray shrugged. "Ee doesn't really care who's Second Parent, as long as ee gets to have es fun while you're in shirren. Later on, you can escape and find someone else to be Third Parent before you bear the egg."

Slowly, unwillingly, Senesh nodded es acquiescence.


Although Eddam took full advantage of the youngster's hypersexual state for the remaining days of es shirren, in the end it was only Jilvray who could clearly sense the new life developing inside the young scharn's body. That meant ee was Second Parent. Es ruse had been successful. Senesh would feel different about things now. Maybe ee'd even stop trying to run away.



Jilvray hummed a cheerful tune under es breath as ee folded the leftover fish and blood-red pimen roots from the evening meal into several large leaves, tucking them away in a corner. Things were going well.

Senesh lifted Jilvray's egg out of its resting place in a hollow of warm sand and put it in es lap, drawing its worn fur blanket over it for protection against the coming chill of night. Eddam stalked off to take part in a gambling game with some of es friends, leaving es two Juniors alone.

The sun sank down towards the trees, leaving the quiet expanse of beach at the mercy of a chill breeze blowing steadily off the ocean. Tall spikes of grass with their empty seed pods rustled gently on the dunes in front of the hut, adding a soft harmony to the constant chorus of waves lapping on the shore.

When ee had finished with es task, Jilvray sat down next to Senesh, tenderly stroking the egg nestled between es partner's crossed legs. The shell was thinner and becoming brittle. Not many more tendays and it would hatch. Ee thought of how pleasant it would be to have an infant to love.

Senesh spoiled es tender thoughts with a few words.

"I'm still going to leave."

Jilvray looked at em with horror. "But you can't. You're carrying an egg."

Senesh smiled. "Exactly. Everyone will think I've given up on escaping for that very reason, just as you said."

"But think of the child, and what they'll do when they catch you and bring you back."

The young scharn twisted es mouth into an expression of disdain. "They'll break the clawnails on my other hand. Or maybe they'll break my toes. But they have to catch me first."

"I thought you'd get over this foolishness once you were carrying an egg," Jilvray objected.

Senesh scowled and shook es head. "I'm going to leave. Nobody and nothing is going to stop me."

"You can't, shaiya. Please, I want you to stay. I --" ee was on the verge of telling es partner just how much ee had begun to care for em, then thought better of it. Senesh surely knew by now, from the feelings that often leaked out during their casual contacts. The young scharn wanted only one thing — es freedom. Nothing else mattered to em, not the egg ee was carrying, and certainly not Jilvray's own soon-to-be-hatched child. Desperately, ee tried another approach.

"Eddam isn't young anymore. Soon es clawnails will turn white and ee'll have to leave our triad to join the Elders. Or maybe ee won't even live that long. Lots of scharns don't. If anything happens to Eddam, I'll be Senior. We could have a good life together, shaiya." The words came in a rush, unconsidered but sincere. Jilvray knew ee'd say anything to convince Senesh to stay with em -- even lie, if necessary.

Senesh shook es head. "I care for you, Jilvray, I really do. But do you honestly think we could have a good life here?" ee asked bitterly, waving es hand in a gesture that took in all of Hilvesh.

"They aren't all that bad," Jilvray protested. "Life's never easy anywhere, and they follow their own custom--"

"Customs?" Senesh snorted. "They haven't any notion of proper behavior or standards! Have you been so long amongst these people you've forgotten what common decency is like?"

Jilvray recoiled from the young scharn's indignation. All right then, if persuasion wouldn't work, ee would just have to tell Eddam Senesh still planned to escape. With the Senior watching em closely, the youngster wouldn't get an opportunity to try to leave. Of course, Senesh would never trust em again if ee did that, but it would be worth it to keep es low-Junior here, to give es child a chance to live.

Jilvray reached over and took the other scharn's face between es hands, studying the delicate features and tear-filled yellow eyes. Unexpectedly, Senesh placed es own hand over one of Jilvray's in an affectionate gesture. Their clawnails touched.

Jilvray quickly submerged es thoughts of informing on the youngster, deliberately muddying their tentative contact by intensifying the distortion produced by es deformed clawnails as ee made sure es Inner Shell was securely closed. But ee couldn't help picking up Senesh's growing sense of hopelessness, since the other hadn't bothered to close em out this time. Senesh would try once, maybe twice, more to get away, Jilvray judged, then sink down into despair and apathy. As ee emself had done, in the end. Senesh would learn to accept es lot, because ee could do nothing about it.

The idea of es young partner becoming the same sort of ruined cripple ee had become was just too much for Jilvray to bear. Suddenly ee knew ee couldn't betray Senesh to Eddam, no matter what es reasons. And suddenly ee was profoundly ashamed ee had even considered such a thing. Maybe Senesh was right. Maybe ee had been here so long ee had forgotten what right was.

"I'm going, Jilvray. I must. I'm sorry," Senesh whispered softly.

The youngster still had hope. Although Jilvray's own hope had died long ago, ee couldn't bring emself to destroy it in someone else. Ee thought back over the ways ee'd tried to convince Senesh to accept es fate, and felt sick at heart. Could ee actually have sunk that low? Ee shook es head, letting es hands fall helplessly to es sides.

It was no use. Ee could have Senesh as a despondent and broken-spirited wreck like emself, or ee could let em go.

Or perhaps, if ee had still a little courage left, ee could do even better than that. Ee trembled at the thought, and yet --

"I'll tell you how you can get away," Jilvray said with sudden decision. "I'll help you."

Senesh's eyes widened with surprise. "You'd do that?"

Jilvray nodded, trying not to think about the inevitable consequences of es decision.

"We'll both go," Senesh suggested.

"No. I can't, not anymore. I can't run fast enough, and I can barely swim. I would just hold you back. It's too late for me. But you can make it, if you'll be patient and do as I say."

"Tell me what I should do," Senesh replied.

"For now, you'll lie down and get a good sleep. Forget about running away at night. The darkness slows you down and makes it easy to get lost, whether you're in the water or on the land. And it's dangerous, with grishmauls and packs of herndslish prowling around. You'll go in the middle of the day. By the time anyone misses you, it'll be getting dark. They'll be afraid to search very far." Ee grinned. "Remember, never do what they expect you to do."

Senesh gestured disgustedly at es bound feet. "But how--"

"Trust me, shaiya. While my broken toes were healing, I had a lot of time to think over what I'd done wrong in trying to escape. Now come on, let's get some rest."

They curled up in each other's arms, with the egg between them. Jilvray lay awake for a long time that night, savoring the feel of Senesh's body warm against es own and knowing it would soon be gone. Ee hoped ee might be able to remember what it had felt like to hold someone ee loved, in the long and lonely years that were to come.


Jilvray approached the section of beach belonging to Hilvesh's Elders, es knees so weak with fright ee could barely manage es usual slow and shuffling gait. Ee carried a colorful grass mat neatly folded over one arm. As ee got closer, ee glanced back over es shoulder. Ee was sure all five of the Clan Elders were busy elsewhere -- ee'd seen them go off earlier -- but you couldn't be too careful.

Ee scuttled through one of the many gaps in the clumps of beach grass marking the Elders' territory, hoping no one would see em entering these sacrosanct premises. Ducking inside the large hut, ee knelt and sorted through the collection of shells, skins, and other ritual objects against the far wall, searching for one particular shell ee remembered very clearly, the one holding the corrosive liquid that would dissolve Senesh's ankle bindings. Ee found it, looked around quickly, and poured a tiny portion into a snail shell ee'd brought with em, stoppering it with a plug of seaweed.

Ee had just replaced the shell in its original place when the Elder's voice interrupted em, demanding sternly, "What are you doing here?"

Jilvray jumped back as if ee'd been skewered with a fishing spear.

"Nothing, Respected One. I was just — just admiring this fine fur." Ee patted a large gray carodar fur that lay nearby, stroking its deep softness. The snail shell with its precious fluid nestled in the palm of es other hand, invisible.

Then, as if recalling es true errand, ee held out the woven mat ee had brought. "My triad offers this as a gift to the Elders," ee said, eyes properly averted. "I didn't want to leave it outside, for fear something might happen to it."

The Elder took the mat and unfolded it, still eyeing Jilvray with suspicion. In the center of the mat, the shape of a krale glittered in the shadowy darkness of the hut, worked in multi-hued threads painstakingly collected and spun from morgrave webs. The mat had taken Senesh almost an entire tenday to complete, even with Jilvray's help.

An appreciative smile crinkled the age-darkened fur of the old scharn's face. "Very fine work, and a lovely rendition of our Clan symbol. Did you make this?"

"No, Elder. It is the work of the low-Junior of our triad. Ee's very talented."

"Ee must be, to do this," the old scharn said, nodding. "Tell your Senior the Elders are pleased to accept this gift. It does your triad much honor."

"Thank you, Respected One. Thank you."

Jilvray limped away just as quickly as ee could.


For the next few days, ee watched the weather, looking for signs of a rainy spell to come. A tenday passed, and Senesh grew restless. Jilvray had to show em the shell of stolen liquid in order to convince em to wait until the time was right.

Finally came a night when long wisps of cloud drifted across the sky, like the feather-weed that drifts on the sea after a storm. The morning dawned gray, with small clouds resembling fishscales. Before this time tomorrow, there would be a heavy rain.

"Weave me one of your fancy baskets," ee told Senesh, as the sun rose higher in the overcast sky. "Don't finish it, but be sure to use up your entire supply of roughbark needles."

Senesh frowned, but did as ee was told. Before the sun was halfway to the zenith, the young scharn had produced the bottom section of a large open-work basket of green roughbark needles alternating with brown rushes.

Setting es egg in a sheltered patch of thin sunlight just inside the hut, Jilvray rose to es feet. "Now, come," ee said sadly to es young partner. Together, they plodded around the dunes and continued on into the forest.

When they'd reached the place where the roughbark trees grew in a dense thicket of tangled, trailing needles, Jilvray knelt and poured a few drops of the stolen fluid on the leather thong that bound Senesh's ankles. As the leather dissolved, ee added a few more drops, and then they tugged the heavy band loose.

"I'll bury this and go back to the beach," Jilvray said, unable to look at Senesh. "You go straight into the forest, not off to either side."

"But you said Jegar was that way," ee objected, pointing to one side.

"And so it is. But the land is narrow here. Go the way I told you, and you'll come to water before nightfall. Swim out, and toward the left, and you'll eventually reach the mainland. Somewhere there you should be able to find your Clan. It's a long way," ee added, even now hoping Senesh would have second thoughts.

The youngster nodded es understanding of Jilvray's directions. "I'll come back for you," ee said unexpectedly.

Jilvray shook es head, letting es mane fall around es face to cover the sorrow in es eyes. "That's not possible. You'd only get yourself captured again."

"No. When my Clan hears about what's happening here, they'll come with me."

"I doubt it, shaiya. I doubt it very much. Most Clans don't get involved in anything beyond the borders of their own territories," Jilvray pointed out. "And besides, what could Jegar possibly do to Hilvesh?"

"I--can't just abandon you. You're Second Parent to my egg. It wouldn't be --"

Jilvray cut em off. "Go, Senesh. Forget about me. You'll find new partners."

"Come with me."

"We've been through that already. It wouldn't work."

With a muffled sob, Senesh threw es arms around Jilvray, hugging em tightly. Jilvray could sense the faint trace of potential life from the egg in the young scharn's womb. How very much ee longed to be with Senesh and raise that child! Ee felt es resolve weakening. Maybe it would be possible. Maybe ee should try to get away again, just this one last time.

Then ee remembered es own egg, lying in the sand back on the beach. Taking Senesh by the shoulders, ee pushed em away. "Listen, the only way you can ever come back to Hilvesh would be if you were to convince a number of Clans to band together and come back with you." Ee forced emself to laugh. "You see how impossible that is? They'd never agree to such a thing."

Senesh threw es head back proudly. "I'll go to the other Clans, then. They will hear of Hilvesh, and they will come."

Jilvray smiled softly at the brash confidence of youth. "I wasn't being serious. Such a thing has never happened before, and I don't believe it will happen now. But if it does --"

"I know," Senesh interrupted with a smile. "'Never do what they expect you to do.' I'll remember."

"It pleases me you would want to come back for me," Jilvray admitted, tears burning beneath es eyelids.

Senesh seized the older scharn's hand. "I didn't say I wanted to. I said I would."

"As you wish, little one." Ee hadn't the heart to argue. Maybe if Senesh believed it, ee would leave quickly. This was becoming more difficult the longer they delayed.

Senesh took something out of the pouch hanging from es sash, placing it in Jilvray's hand. "I will return, s'yesha. You may depend upon it." Then ee was gone, and the roughbark needles swayed at es passage and were still.

Ee called me s'yesha, Jilvray thought, looking after es lost hope. Not just "triad partner," but "triad partner whom I love." Then ee looked at what Senesh had pressed into es hand. It was a pale yellow jingle shell, containing a multitude of incredibly tiny shells, fixed in a glue of hardened sap.

For a long time ee sat weeping silently, staring through es tears at the caring-shell. Ee hadn't seen such a thing in years. It was a token to be given only to someone very special to you. To a friend, it was a wish the years you might spend together would be as numerous as the tiny shells. To a partner in casual sex, it conveyed the wish for an equal number of future encounters. And to a triad partner, it was a hope your children would be as numerous as the baby shells contained in the hollow of the larger shell.


Jilvray returned to the beach and went about es usual tasks as if nothing had happened. When Eddam asked about Senesh's whereabouts, ee simply said the youngster had gone off to gather more roughbark needles, showing the half-finished basket as proof. By late afternoon, Eddam grew suspicious and went to search the surrounding forest. Not finding Senesh anywhere nearby, ee called together a band of es friends.

Jilvray watched them start out to catch the presumed runaway. Ee caught es breath, and hoped es trick had bought enough time for Senesh to be well on es way. If they brought em back --

As the sun set, the search party returned, angry, footsore, and empty-handed, swearing they'd catch em tomorrow for sure.

Jilvray lay inside the hut, curled around es egg and pretending to be asleep. Not much longer before the egg would hatch. But ee mustn't think about that now.

Eddam squatted down in front of em, scowling. "Give me your hands and open your Shell," ee commanded.

Jilvray scrambled quickly up into a sitting position, setting the egg aside, where ee hoped it would be out of the way of the Senior's wrath. "Why?"

"You know more about all this than you're saying. Tell me what it is. Or I'll force contact with you and get it directly from your mind. You won't like that."

"I've told you all I know. Senesh went to gather roughbark needles this morning. Ee never came back. That's it," Jilvray said, trying to sound positive and unconcerned. Ee had anticipated this, but wasn't sure ee'd be able to bluff es way through.

The short black fur on Eddam's forehead crinkled with annoyance. "The other Seniors are laughing at me over this, Jilvray. If you tell me now, and let me know which way ee went when ee reached the water, perhaps I can still bring em back. I know you liked em, and I must admit ee was quite skilled, for a Junior. We both want em, don't we?" Eddam coaxed. "Your hatchling will need another Parent, you know."

"If Senesh ran away," Jilvray countered, "why would ee tell me where ee was going?"

"Ee knew enough to cross the peninsula this time. Ee must have learned from someone here. And ee wasn't hobbled, we could tell from es footprints. Where did ee go, Jilvray?"

"I told you, I don't know."

"Contact me, then, and I'll see if you're telling the truth," Eddam growled, grabbing Jilvray's hands roughly and holding them so that their clawnails touched.

As the Senior's mind groped for es own, Jilvray struggled to hold es Inner Shell closed. Eddam was strong; ee could force a person open if ee tried hard enough. Jilvray grimaced and attempted to pull away, but Eddam's fingers held em in an unbreakable grip even as ee pried at Jilvray's Shell with es mind.

Pain streaked through es claws and deep into es head as ee tried to resist Eddam's onslaught. Even as the Senior managed to pry es Shell open a fraction, Jilvray used the distortion produced by the torn and poorly healed nerves of es damaged clawnails to cloak es true feelings. Ee concentrated on es hatred for Eddam, hoping to throw em off the track. Despite the searing pain, ee struggled to increase es resistance to the forced contact, further intensifying the distortion caused by es claws. Eddam gritted es teeth and persisted as long as ee could, but ee stopped far short of getting Jilvray's Shell completely open.

"I'm not convinced you're innocent," ee said at last, dropping es Junior's hands in disgust, as if they were chunks of rotting fish.

Jilvray slumped to the ground, curling around the pain in es head. "I didn't do anything," ee lied, earnestly and without the least bit of compunction. Es breath came in ragged gasps as ee pressed es aching hands against es throbbing forehead.

Eddam grunted, turning away in annoyance. "You're going to be sorry for this, Junior," ee said grimly.

Despite es misery, Jilvray smiled. The Elders hadn't thought they were doing em a favor when they'd broken es claws, but perhaps they had. Eddam couldn't get the truth out of em that way, at least. Ee might have es suspicions, but ee couldn't prove anything.

"When we catch Senesh, ee'll tell us what happened," Eddam went on. "And you'll share in es punishment. You know that."

Jilvray knew that very well.

But ee didn't think they would catch Senesh, not this time.

As Eddam muttered a curse and lay down to sleep, Jilvray retrieved es egg and hugged it to es breast. The thought of Senesh somewhere out there in the night filled em with a fierce satisfaction, but little joy. The small life ee clutched against es body had probably been doomed by what ee'd done that day. But Senesh, and the child ee carried, might make it to safety.

Reaching into the small leather pouch that hung from es sash, ee ran es fingers over the caring-shell Senesh had given em, feeling the bumpy surface. Nothing in life was bought without a price, ee reflected forlornly. And sometimes that price was enough to break your heart into pieces as numerous as the tiny shells nestled in the hollow of the caring-shell.


It began to rain late that night, as Jilvray had known it would. By morning there was a steady downpour. It greatly hampered the efforts of the searchers, as it meant they couldn't see very far in any direction over the water.

When they finally came back, empty-handed and foul-tempered, Jilvray knew es plan had worked.


The very next day, Eddam swaggered into their hut, followed by a young Hilvesh pre-adult named Lail. With a sinking heart, Jilvray saw that the youngster wore a sash with the single diagonal slash of a low- Junior on one end.

Eddam grinned. "Lail is going to be our new partner. Come into the water with us."

Jilvray looked at the youngster in dismay. Ee was solidly built and tall, taller in fact than Senesh had been. But --

"Eddam, es claws aren't dark," Jilvray objected. "Ee's not even a full adult. Ee's not ready to join a triad yet, since ee's not fertile."

"Yes, I know," Eddam said. "But es Parents are willing to give em to us, and ee'll be mature soon enough."

Eddam smiled at es newest Junior. Lail returned the smile, looking all too much like Eddam for Jilvray's peace of mind.

"I don't think I'll have to worry about this Junior running away, with or without your assistance," Eddam stated smugly.

Except for the expression on Lail's face, Jilvray might almost have felt sorry for the youngster. Ee wasn't a full grown adult, and ee had been forced into a triad. To take a youngster whose claws hadn't darkened yet --

Ee shook es head. This was Hilvesh, not es birth Clan. Here, even children were often taken into the water, forced into sex well before their bodies could comfortably accept such a thing. The stronger ones soon learned to turn the resentment they felt for the adults into aggression against their weaker comrades. Jilvray had noticed only two types of children in Hilvesh: the bullied, and the bullies.

Lail was one of the bullies.

Having no other choice, Jilvray silently followed es partners into the water to consummate the completion of their triad. Eddam and Lail appeared to enjoy it very much.


Jilvray shivered in the damp wind, shaking emself fully awake. It was almost dawn and ee'd been up all night waiting, while es egg hatched with frustrating slowness. Ee hadn't expected the hatching for at least two more tendays, but such things sometimes happened earlier than expected.

Soon the sun would rise, and Eddam would wake up. Lail was still on lookout duty, standing on one of the dunes between the beach and the forest, watching for any nocturnal predators that might attack the Clan. Hilvesh was lucky. There weren't many herndslish or grishmauls in this area. If there had been, Jilvray might never have survived this long. Es
broken toes made it difficult for em to run to the safety of the water fast enough to escape from danger. Arlysh hadn't made it, and ee hadn't been crippled.

Jilvray lifted an edge of the covering fur and examined the egg cradled between es crossed legs, hoping it might have made further progress while ee had dozed off. Not trusting es eyesight in the early dawn, ee ran es hand over the brittle shell.

The cracks had widened. Even as ee touched it, the egg rocked and a small section fell out. With es clawnails gently against the shell, ee closed es eyes and tried to make contact through the barrier. The hatchling seemed well, but exhausted. It was taking too long.

Jilvray's claws practically itched with es desire to help the hatchling get out of its shell, but ee knew such a thing was strictly forbidden. Any hatchling that couldn't get free by itself wasn't strong enough to live long anyway.

Ee looked over es shoulder at Eddam, hearing em stir in es sleep. If Eddam woke up and saw that the poor little creature had barely enough strength to hatch --

Defying custom, Jilvray worked es claws into a crack in the shell, prying it gently apart. After all, it was so close. Who would know?

By the time Eddam yawned and stretched, Jilvray already had the hatchling wiped clean of the sticky fluid from the egg and wrapped in the worn jophet fur. Ee held it carefully in es arms, cradling its head with one hand so es clawnails made contact.

Until it could be trained to form an Inner Shell, a hatchling projected an incessant mental clamor. It wasn't easy for a Parent to avoid being overwhelmed. You had to keep your own Shell open far enough to provide the hatchling with the necessary sense of presence and assurance, but not so far open that you lost touch with yourself and reality. It took a bit of concentration for Jilvray to strike the right balance.

Ee was so intent on es hatchling ee hadn't noticed Lail returning from sentry duty. The young Junior squatted in front of em and pinched a small webbed foot sticking out from under the jophet fur. The hatchling squirmed weakly, but didn't cry. Pain flickered through the contact and Jilvray tried to spread es attention between the hatchling's feelings and the outside world. It was no wonder Parents in contact with hatchlings had such abstracted expressions on their faces.

Ee cuddled the tiny creature against es breast and glared at Lail.

"Senior, come look at this," Lail called. "Jilvray's precious egg finally hatched."

"Oh?" Eddam replied noncommittally.

Jilvray clutched es child tighter as their Senior joined them. Ee closed es Shell a bit, knowing ee had to keep es mind on what was going on.

"Let's see it, Jilvray," Eddam said.

Unwillingly, Jilvray laid the hatchling in es lap and unwrapped its covering, keeping the clawnails of es other hand in contact so as not to withdraw from it completely. The sun was fully up now, and the hatchling's long, stark white fur showed up in sharp contrast to the brown jophet fur on which it lay. All scharns were born white and grew darker with age, but this one was a brighter white than usual. Its fur was still damp, but once it had dried fully, it would be soft and fluffy. Its eyes were tightly closed, as they would be for most of a tenday, but it turned its face towards where Jilvray's warmth had been, whimpering.

Eddam glanced over the hatchling negligently. "It's too small and it doesn't look very strong. I don't think it'll survive."

"I think it might," Jilvray contradicted flatly.

Eddam shook es head. "Give it to me. Let's get this over with."

Jilvray gathered the child once again in es arms, enjoying the way it snuggled against em. "What are you going to do?" ee asked suspiciously.

Eddam reached out to take the hatchling. "I'm going to give it to the sea. It can't survive with only one Parent to care for it."

"You could help. After all, it's your child too."

"I could, but I have better things to do than nurse weaklings like this. Besides, Lail's too young to help and two Parents aren't really enough to keep a hatchling alive." Ee shrugged. "Now, if Senesh had still been with us, I might have felt differently about the whole thing. Give the hatchling to me."

"No." It was a simple word, but Jilvray had never before dared to use it to es Senior.

"It will die anyway. Give it to me, and everything will be over quickly. You don't even have to watch."

Jilvray gave Eddam a murderous glare and clutched the hatchling tighter. "No," ee repeated.

"You'd rather see it starve to death slowly? I thought you cared about it," the older scharn pointed out, in an uncharacteristic attempt to reason with es high-Junior.

"I can try to raise it myself, Senior. I had lots of milk last time. Maybe I can manage alone." Even as ee said it, Jilvray knew how impossible it was. Eddam was right. One Parent couldn't possibly raise a baby. But ee couldn't surrender es child to death so easily.

"Enough. Give it to me."

Sudden anger flared through Jilvray. "Go drown yourself," ee replied fiercely.

No Hilvesh Senior could afford to ignore such blatant disobedience. Eddam hit em in the face with es open hand, letting es clawnails just graze the other scharn's cheek. Jilvray recoiled in shock, but as Eddam tried to take the hatchling from es arms, ee struck out at es Senior, opening a deep gash across es forearm with one sharp clawnail.

Eddam stared in disbelief at es own blood. Juniors simply did not strike Seniors. Ee stood up, grabbing es fishing spear. Deliberately, ee removed the sharp bone point and tossed it aside. Raising the slender rod above es head, ee brought it down hard across Jilvray's back.

Jilvray curled up with es face to the sand, keeping es hatchling underneath em and protecting it as best ee could with es own body as Eddam continued to thrash em.

When Eddam had finished, Lail grabbed Jilvray and turned em over.

The pain of es raw back hitting the sand forced a moan from Jilvray's lips. Ee rolled over on one side, looking quickly down at the hatchling in es arms. Its tiny clawed hands had closed desperately in es fur, and its mouth had found one of es breasts. Unsatisfied hunger screamed through the almost-closed mental link. Ee hugged es hatchling tighter.

Eddam, still breathing hard from es exertions, squatted down beside es rebellious Junior. "Keep the hatchling, if that's what you want," ee said with dangerous mildness. "Watch it die a slow death. When you finally decide to put it out of its misery, don't expect Lail or me to do it for you. You can give this child to the sea yourself."

Lail looked rather crestfallen, until Eddam suggested they both go into the water for a while.


During the next few days, as Jilvray struggled to keep es child alive, ee realized the true cruelty of Eddam's apparent "mercy." Normally, it took three scharns to provide sufficient milk for an infant, although two might manage under favorable circumstances. But that wasn't the worst of it. In addition to physical nourishment, a hatchling required constant mental contact with one of its Parents. Such a thing was simply too exhausting for one scharn to manage alone, but without other Parents willing to take turns holding the hatchling, Jilvray had little choice. Denied close and constant contact during its first few tendays of precarious life, a hatchling would simply give up and die, usually long before it starved to death.

Jilvray kept it up as best ee could, but after several days, ee was utterly worn out. The effort of constantly keeping es Shell open, but not too far open, was much harder than ee had imagined, and the inevitable distortion from es two deformed clawnails didn't make things any easier. If ee laid the hatchling down on the sand, even for a moment, it screamed and cried until ee just couldn't stand it. If ee'd been able to leave it with a friend for a while, things wouldn't have been so bad. But that was impossible, even if Jilvray had had a friend ee could have trusted. No hatchling would tolerate being held by someone other than one of its true Parents until it was at least a Hand of tendays old. Hatchlings had been known to go into shock and die if left with a stranger.

Jilvray's breasts, normally small and all but invisible beneath es fur, filled with milk until they were swollen and sore, but it was never enough, and never could be. Es nipples cracked and bled from nursing too often, but the child was always hungry and irritable even so.

If Senesh had been there, things might have been different. Ee could have held contact with the hatchling. As Third Parent, it would have recognized em. Ee would have been able to nurse it also.

Jilvray wouldn't allow emself to think about that. Ee wouldn't allow emself to think about anything, except how very much ee wanted es hatchling to live.

Life became a haze of misery as ee struggled through es daily tasks with only half es mind, the other half constantly involved with the hatchling ee kept securely tied to es chest in a sling ee'd made from a few odd bits of fishleather ee had scrounged. Ee was forced to withdraw from the contact as far as ee could for long periods of time, simply in order to function, but that left the hatchling fretful and dissatisfied.


After a tenday of bleary exhaustion, Jilvray pulled emself out of an exhausted sleep one morning to find es child's eyes open. Deep blue they were, like the open ocean on a bright sunny day. In the tiny, white-furred face, they seemed enormous.

Jilvray's heart overflowed with joy. Once its eyes opened, a child was a true person, not just an anonymous hatchling. Surely Eddam would feel differently about it now.

Ee scrambled onto es knees, hardly able to contain emself long enough to wait for es Senior to return from sentry duty. Noticing through their contact the baby had to urinate, ee took em down to the water and held em half-immersed in the waves. The edge of an early morning rain shower drifted past, splattering them with droplets. In the thin pre-dawn light, Jilvray looked at es child and was dismayed.

Why hadn't ee noticed how scrawny it was getting? Where was the nice layer of fat it should be putting on? Ee could easily feel its ribs outlined beneath es fingers. And when ee lifted it out of the water, its long fur clung to its lower body, revealing pathetically thin legs.

Well, never mind that, ee told emself resolutely. At least es eyes are open.

Seeing Eddam returning from the high dunes behind the beach, Jilvray limped slowly back to their hut.

"Senior," ee said, struggling to keep es attention split between the hatchling and the outside world, "es eyes are open. You've got to take our child to the Elders to be Named."

Eddam hung es sentry's whistle on a branch of the thornbush next to the hut and then flopped down on es woven sleeping mat. "Named? That half-dead thing? You're kidding."

"No, Senior. Look. Es eyes are the same color as yours." Jilvray gently turned the hatchling's head away from es chest. Perhaps seeing es own eyes looking out at em from that tiny face would change Eddam's mind. "Ee needs a name."

Eddam laughed. "I wouldn't waste the Elders' time, seeing it won't live much longer." Ee stretched out on es side. "Now stop bothering me. I've been up half the night and I want to get some sleep."

"Senior --"

"I'm not taking it to the Elders. That's final." Eddam's eyes narrowed. "I'm not going to put up with this nonsense much longer, Jilvray. All you do is stagger around here half asleep, not doing anything properly anymore. I'm getting pretty sick of it."

Jilvray hugged the baby protectively against es chest. "You said you wouldn't harm the child. You said I could try to raise em."

"I didn't expect the miserable creature to live this long! You've been no good for anything since it hatched. I can't even take you in the water, with that baby always in your arms."

Good! thought Jilvray. Then ee decided ee didn't like the direction this conversation was taking.

"I'll do better, Senior. I promise." Ee struggled to es feet. Best not to antagonize Eddam when ee was in such a mood.

"Hey, Jilvray," Lail jeered, as the other scharn limped away. "The defenders could sure use that baby on the sentry line at night. We could throw it to a grishmaul, to delay it long enough for the rest of us to reach the water. That's about all the little runt is good for, anyway."

Ignoring Lail's mockery, Jilvray went to sit at the water's edge, letting the waves wash up around es feet. The sun heaved itself slowly over the distant horizon, seeming to be almost as weary as ee was.

Settling the hatchling in es lap, ee took out the caring-shell Senesh had given em and held it in es hand, rubbing the tiny shells embedded inside as ee'd been wont to do more and more often these days. With the clawnails of es other hand, ee gently combed the infant's long fur, both grooming it and caressing it at the same time. Senesh had promised to come back. Perhaps --

The baby grabbed the shell, attracted by the colors now that ee could see. Ee brought the shell to es mouth and began sucking on it.

"Eddam won't take you to the Elders for your Naming," Jilvray murmured softly as ee took the shell out of the baby's mouth, "but I have to call you something now that you're not just a hatchling anymore. What would be a good name?"

Jilvray looked down at the token Senesh had given em and sighed. Ee was foolish to think Senesh might keep es promise. It was ridiculous to even hope for such a thing.

Senesh would be reunited with es family and friends now, concerned with joining a new triad so ee could have Parents for the egg ee was carrying. As for es rash promise to get several Clans together to come to Hilvesh -- well, that was nonsense, and had been nonsense even as ee had said it.

But Jilvray couldn't dismiss the idea completely, try as ee might. If only Senesh would come back before the baby died.

It was only a very small hope -- barely alive -- like the child ee held on es lap, but ee couldn't quite bring emself to give it up.

Jilvray decided ee knew es baby's name. Placing one hand flat against its chest, ee said solemnly, "You shall be Kiftay m'var --" ee hesitated, not really wanting to call em the child of Eddam's triad, but custom offered em no other choice for that part of the name-- "Eddam's dar Hilvesh."

Jilvray sighed, stroking Kiftay's head. "That's the best I can do, little one. The name means 'hope,' but most people don't use it anymore. May it do you some good."


Days passed, and even that small amount of hope faded rapidly, as Kiftay grew ever more apathetic and scrawny. Jilvray tried dribbling sun-warmed fish broth into the baby's mouth in an effort to get em to eat, but ee was still too young to digest it properly.

Jilvray felt emself on the verge of insanity from the unremitting mental contact. Ee began to lose touch with the rest of the world, earning curses and blows from es Senior when ee inadvertently ignored em.

But all es efforts seemed to go for naught. Weakened by the lack of sufficient milk and unable to find the sort of calm and loving reassurance ee needed, Kiftay simply gave up. Ee nursed half-heartedly at best, and became harder to rouse from sleep. Before the baby was three tendays old, Jilvray knew ee was fighting a losing battle.


Late one night, ee dragged emself awake to the sound of the sentries' whistles blasting out the danger signal. It took em longer than it should have to realize what was happening, so exhausted was ee. Stumbling to es feet, ee ran out of the hut, heading for the water and hoping the defenders would be able to hold off whatever it was that had come out of the forest to threaten them.

Screams and cries rent the night as the Clan came alive. Children and Parents burdened by infants or unhatched eggs raced for the ocean, while everyone else grabbed up their spears and helped cover the general retreat.

Jilvray limped along the well-trodden paths circling the low dunes, ignoring the sharp stabs of pain lancing through es crippled foot each time the folded-under toes hit the ground. Ee dared not look back, needing all es attention to keep from tripping on the uneven terrain. A fierce screech ending in a bellow sounded behind em. It was a grishmaul, then. A pack of herndslish would have barked.

The howl came again as Jilvray cleared the dunes and started across the open beach. Ee glanced quickly back over one shoulder, but saw nothing. Ee could hear Eddam's voice, shouting orders to the defenders. Then the danger signal sounded again, warning everyone the grishmaul had broken through the line and was coming after the others.

Gasping for breath, Jilvray forced es legs to move faster. Just ahead of em, a child stumbled and fell. Jilvray paused for only a second to set the youngster on es feet, but ee couldn't do anymore than that. Ee had es own burden to carry.

Ee looked back yet again, scanning the starlit beach for danger.

The grishmaul rounded a dune not far behind em, its head lowered and its powerful legs pounding the sand. Its hideous red fur stood out in a wide ruff around its shoulders, almost obscuring the rest of its body. With an ear-splitting roar, it charged after the running scharns.

Staring straight ahead at the beckoning ocean, Jilvray ran as hard as ee could. If the grishmaul chose em as its target, ee'd never make it. Ee could already imagine the cruel claws raking es back, the slavering jaws tearing into es body.

Lail's taunting remark about throwing Kiftay to a grishmaul in order to delay its attack flashed into es mind. Panic-stricken Parents had been known to do just that, when the only choice was both adult and child falling prey to the beasts.

Clutching the baby tighter, Jilvray dismissed that thought. Ee and es child would live or die together.

Time was measured now in footsteps, every other one a racking jolt of agony. But the waves loomed closer with each step. If ee should stumble now --

The sharp rocks and debris at the high tide line gouged the callused walking surfaces of es folded toes. The beach sloped down, speeding es headlong rush, and still ee was alive.

Sobbing for breath, ee staggered into the waves. All ee had to do was reach swimming depth and they'd be safe. In the water, a grishmaul was no match for a scharn. The huge beasts could swim, but only clumsily and slowly.

Jilvray dove through a breaking wave, unfolding es toes and kicking hard. Ee didn't spare a thought for the baby in es arms. Even in es weakened state, Kiftay would react instinctively to being submerged by closing es nostrils and clutching es Parent's fur tightly.

Only after ee'd surfaced in the deep water did Jilvray chance a look back at the beach.

The grishmaul stood hunched over its kill, tearing chunks of flesh from a small body. It had caught a child, then. Old enough to run, but not old enough to run fast, children were especially vulnerable. A number of defenders harried the beast unsuccessfully with their spears, but as soon as it became clear the victim was dead, they too ran for the ocean, forming a protective line inshore of the other scharns, just in case the grishmaul decided to make an uncharacteristic foray into the surf.

Jilvray clutched Kiftay protectively in es arms. The baby squirmed slightly and whimpered, but otherwise made no response, even though Jilvray cuddled em and petted em.

A wail of anguish cut through the commotion of voices out in the water. One of the Parents of the dead child must have just discovered es loss. Unlike Eddam, Jilvray thought resentfully, there were some in Hilvesh who felt a proper affection for their children.

Ee resolutely refused to allow emself to feel the horror of what had happened on the beach, knowing ee must not let it overwhelm em or it would be communicated to Kiftay. Children died often, ee told emself, from disease as well as wild animal attacks. That was a fact of life ee had long ago accepted. There was no use grieving overmuch for the tragedies of others. Ee had too many griefs of es own to worry about.

The grishmaul stayed on the beach for a long time that night, digging through the scharns' huts to find stored food and generally creating a mess.

Jilvray floated, treading water and trying to keep Kiftay as far above the surface as possible. A young infant couldn't tolerate the coolness of the water for long periods of time, and Kiftay wasn't very strong to begin with. But Jilvray could not kick hard enough to hold the baby completely out of the water. After a while, Kiftay stopped shivering and just hung limply against es shoulder, seeming to be asleep. Jilvray could hardly feel es mind, despite es best efforts to reach the baby and rouse em.

It was almost dawn by the time the grishmaul finally left and the Clan could go ashore. Eddam took one look at the chaos that had been wreaked upon their hut and sent es two Juniors off to gather fresh mangonia leaves so the destroyed thatching could be replaced.

Jilvray was just as glad to get out of es Senior's sight, despite the long walk to the forest. Kiftay had never awakened from the sleep ee had fallen into, and Jilvray was afraid of what Eddam might do if ee noticed. Limping along even more slowly than usual, ee made sure Lail was well ahead of em before ee sat down to rest.

Carefully, ee laid the baby on the ground, letting go of em in the hopes the shock of losing contact might awaken em. Kiftay trembled, arms flailing weakly. Es mouth opened and ee tried to cry. Ee even opened es eyes a little. Then ee just lay there, quivering and jerking.

Jilvray couldn't bear to watch that. Ee picked the baby up again, letting it relax into es arms.

This couldn't go on. Kiftay was dying, and Jilvray knew ee was doing nothing but prolonging that agony. Ee should offer the baby to the sea, if ee truly loved es child. Ee'd tried es best, and ee'd lost.

But without Kiftay, what did ee have?

Struggling to es feet, ee continued along the path that led to the trees.

Jilvray worked listlessly at repairing their hut all morning and into the afternoon, the baby in its sling against es chest. But ee had no more hope.

When Eddam sent em out after one last bunch of leaves, it was all ee could do to see where ee was going. Part of es mind had sunk into the murky blankness emanating from Kiftay. Finally, ee wandered right past the mangonia trees and on into the forest, not really thinking anymore. Ee would just keep walking, circle around and follow the shoreline. Ee couldn't try to escape as Senesh had. That meant swimming across a large expanse of ocean, and Kiftay would never be able to survive that.

So Jilvray just walked, stumbling along oblivious to everything, not really knowing where ee was going to but unable to make emself return to the beach.

Ee hadn't gotten very far when Lail stepped out from behind a tree, grinning broadly. Jilvray tried to walk past em, but Lail's long webbed fingers closed around es arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" the young scharn asked.

Jilvray mumbled something incoherent. When Lail dragged em back in the direction of the Clan's beach, ee went, unseeing and uncaring.

"I caught em trying to escape, Senior," Lail proclaimed proudly, shoving Jilvray so ee tripped and fell in front of Eddam. "Ee was over near the inlet, just strolling away."

"Oh?" Eddam went down on one knee next to es errant Junior. "I thought you knew better than that by now. What's gotten into you?"

Jilvray hadn't bothered to get up. Ee curled into a ball and tried to turn es back on Eddam. Just go to sleep. Forget it all, all the misery, all the despair. Sleep. The darkness welcomed em with peace, and a cessation of fear.

"Jilvray?"

Eddam's voice sounded more puzzled than angry. Jilvray ignored it. Dully, ee felt Eddam grasp es arms, pry them away from around the baby. Ee wanted to protest, but Eddam persisted.

With a wrenching shock, Jilvray came out of es daze. Es Inner Shell snapped reflexively closed. Kiftay wasn't in contact with em anymore. Ee blinked, opening es eyes and searching for es child. Ee was wide awake now, the inviting sense of oblivion gone entirely.

Eddam knelt next to em, holding Kiftay distastefully under one arm and carefully not touching the baby with es clawnails.

"I thought that was it," the Senior said with satisfaction. "You fool, don't you know a dying child can drag you into death with it? If I'd realized it was so far gone, I'd have drowned it sooner."

Eddam rose to es feet, striding towards the sea. Lail followed em eagerly.

Jilvray sat up, hugging es knees against es chest as ee watched them go. Es head drooped down and ee let emself cry at last. It just wasn't worth it anymore. Senesh was gone, Kiftay was gone. Ee could try to escape again, but ee knew ee'd never make it.

No, there was one way ee could escape, without fail. And why not? Senesh had been right all along. Life under these conditions wasn't worth it. There was a way out, and ee would take it.

Es head came up and es face set into a mask of grim determination. Jilvray pushed emself to es feet and limped after Eddam, calling out, "Wait, Senior! I'll do it! Give the baby to me!"

At the edge of the water, Eddam turned. "No tricks?"

"No tricks. It should be me," Jilvray begged, hurrying across the sand. "Please, Senior. Let me take em."

Eddam relented with a careless shrug of es shoulders. "All right. Just be sure you don't return to shore with that miserable infant."

"I won't. I promise." Jilvray held out es arms for the limp bundle of fur, cradling the dying baby against es shoulder. Ee slogged out into the water. Ee wouldn't return with Kiftay. Ee wouldn't return at all.

In the deep water off to one side of the small cove, there was a large patch of clingweed. Ee could take Kiftay there and dive down into the weed. Once ee was thoroughly entangled, there would be no way to return to the surface for air. They would drown together, but at least they would be free of Eddam and Hilvesh.

The water rose higher around Jilvray's waist. It would be easy; far easier than living without Kiftay, without Senesh, without hope.

Ee turned and looked back at the beach. Leafless thornbushes dotted the landscape, their naked branches twisted into wind-drawn designs. Yellowed beachgrass clung to the sand almost down to the high-tide mark. A few empty seed stalks bowed weary heads before the chilly breeze blowing from off the land.

Although the scene appeared as bleak and desolate as Jilvray's heart, still it was infinitely beautiful and achingly precious to eyes that thought never to see it again.

Turning es back on the shore, ee plodded resolutely out to sea.

Kiftay's feet trailed into the waves, and the baby's hands clutched the ends of Jilvray's mane in unconscious reflex. Jilvray tried to establish a light contact with es child, but there wasn't much to hang onto anymore. Ee lay back in the water, holding Kiftay on top of em. Es crippled foot hurt as ee kicked, slowing them down, but that didn't matter now. They would get where they were going quickly enough.

Just in case Eddam was watching, ee would wait until ee was out further before ee turned toward the dangerous place, swimming underwater when ee did. Even if the Senior realized where ee was going, it would be too late to interfere. Jilvray would figure it so ee was almost out of breath by the time ee reached the clingweed. Ee and Kiftay would both be dead long before Eddam could get to them, assuming that the Senior would even bother to try.

Slowly but steadily, ee moved away from the beach. The offshore breeze seemed to want to help em out to sea. The sinking sun dazzled es eyes, throwing hard-edged sparkles on the waves. Jilvray smiled. The ocean rocked em in its arms, welcoming em home. There was a kind of peace in despair, ee thought. Ee lifted es head, checking one last time to be sure Eddam hadn't gotten suspicious and started after em. Then ee blinked and came upright, treading water and staring at the land.

A small group of strange scharns stood at the far edge of Hilvesh's beach, apparently having just come around the point of land that formed one side of the cove. They were quickly surrounded by members of Hilvesh. Jilvray could see people gesturing, but ee was too far away to make out what was being said. Everyone ran to that side of the beach and the growing crowd obscured es view.

Strangers. What were strangers doing in Hilvesh's territory?

The rescue party Senesh had promised?

A commotion broke out between the strangers and the Hilvesh scharns, with much shouting and jostling. Jilvray watched anxiously, not sure ee liked the sound of all this. If that was supposed to be a rescue party, they would soon be in need of rescue themselves. They must be very great fools, to simply walk onto Hilvesh's beach like that. They weren't even carrying any spears. Such a rescue ee didn't need.

Ee floated upright in the water, holding Kiftay in es arms. The baby shivered violently, but showed no sign of returning to consciousness. Kiftay would soon be dangerously chilled. But they had been going to their deaths; a little cold shouldn't matter.

Jilvray kept still, uncertain of what to do. Ee scanned the shoreline again, squinting es eyes against the slanting sun. It was difficult to see, since the beach was in shadow, but it seemed most of the Clan was still down by the water, gathered around the strangers.

Then a most unexpected thing happened.

All around the forest's edge, scharns came out of the darkness under the trees to stand facing the beach, hardly an arm's length separating one person from the next. And these scharns were armed with spears.

As the members of Hilvesh noticed the Clan was surrounded, exclamations and curses drifted out to Jilvray's ears, along with the cries of frightened children, borne on the offshore wind.

Jilvray's lips stretched into a fearsome smile. This was more like it. Who would have expected to see such a large number of scharns come out of the forest this close to nightfall? Maybe the strangers weren't so stupid after all. The advance party had obviously been a decoy, to draw everyone's attention away from the woods.

One of the new arrivals climbed to the top of a dune. Jilvray could only make out a smattering of es words, but the stranger certainly seemed angry.

"-- abomination and disgrace! -- Clan disbanded -- Surrender! -- be destroyed!"

Jilvray couldn't believe es ears. Exhausted and desperate as ee was, ee even wondered if ee mightn't be hallucinating.

Such a thing had never been heard of before. Clans simply didn't do such things. They wouldn't dare destroy Hilvesh. They couldn't.

Could they?

And then a chill went through es heart, colder than the depths of the deep ocean where ee had once liked to swim. In other Clans, scharns seldom fought amongst themselves. Even in Hilvesh, such a thing was comparatively rare. The strangers wouldn't fight, but Hilvesh would. The strangers wouldn't expect that, wouldn't be prepared.

Throwing caution aside, Jilvray began swimming rapidly towards land. Maybe ee could get close enough to cry out a warning, alert the strangers to what Clan Hilvesh would certainly do, once they recovered from their shock. Es broken toes protested, sending es calf muscles into cramps as ee tried to kick. Ee doubled up with pain, clutching es right leg.

Jilvray opened es mouth to call out a warning, even though ee was still too far out at sea. The wind blew es words back in es face, mocking es efforts. Then es voice was drowned out by an outraged roar of shouts and curses from Hilvesh. Some of the adults ran at their attackers, clawnails poised to strike. Others ran to their huts, obviously going after spears.

Jilvray shuddered, fighting the urge to close es eyes.

The attackers' line sagged under the first impetus of Hilvesh's fury, but reinforcements came out of the forest, driving them back.

This can't be happening, ee thought. It just isn't possible.

What finally made it real to em was the reaction of the Clan's children. Every child old enough to walk or toddle fled automatically into the water, as if Hilvesh were being attacked by grishmauls. The youngsters might not fully understand what was going on, but they knew the water meant safety, so they ran. No one in their right mind would flee in the direction of the forest, with darkness coming on. The attackers had a psychological advantage in that. It was more natural to run in the opposite direction.

Jilvray began once more to swim for the beach, more slowly this time. Eventually, es feet touched bottom and ee stood up, cuddling Kiftay's limp, bedraggled body against es chest. The attackers appeared to be winning, through sheer force of numbers.

Jilvray's broken toes struck a stone. Ee fell, sinking under a wave before ee could regain es balance.

Why didn't you come years ago ee thought with sudden resentment, struggling back to es feet, before I was made a useless cripple? Why didn't you come then, when I still had a chance?

Tears of frustration filled es eyes. They hadn't come because they hadn't known. Enough that they were here now. Ee slogged doggedly towards the shallow water, thinking of how nice it would feel to have es twisted claws in Eddam's eye sockets, or around Lail's neck. But although ee watched the unequal battle with satisfaction, ee had no intention of risking Kiftay's life by running into the fray with the baby in es arms. Revenge wasn't worth that, even if Kiftay was half dead already.

A horrible thought struck em then.

Senesh, where was Senesh? Ee had to be the one responsible for all this. Ee could be killed in the fighting. Where was ee? Still plodding through the waves, Jilvray searched wildly, but Senesh was nowhere to be seen.

No, of course, Senesh wouldn't be here, ee told emself with relief. Senesh was carrying an egg. Ee wouldn't be exposed to danger. Ee'd certainly been left behind. There was no reason to worry about Senesh's being hurt in the fray.

Jilvray saw Eddam go down, still fighting. Ee half-closed es eyes and felt es lips spread unbidden into a mirthless smile. Lail broke free and ran for the water, to Jilvray's momentary annoyance. Then ee realized ee had other things to worry about besides the fate of es erstwhile partners.

The fighting on the beach had become hideously fierce, as Hilvesh refused to surrender. The attackers seemed quite determined to leave none of the Hilvesh adults alive, judging by what ee could see happening. Ee couldn't really blame them, but it didn't leave em much to hope for.

Ee hadn't gone to join the fight on the side of the invaders. Instead, ee'd stood cowering in the water with es baby, as if it had been a beast racing out from the shadows of the forest, not the avengers ee'd never truly expected to see. Too late, Jilvray realized ee should have gone ashore to fight. Perhaps, seeing that, the strangers would have spared em and es child.

Now the beach was covered with bleeding bodies. Squinting through tears of self-loathing and despair, Jilvray could see that not a single Hilvesh adult remained standing anywhere.

Good.

But what would they do to em? Would they slaughter em as they had the others? Senesh wasn't there to stop them, to tell them ee was on their side. Caught up in the frenzy of the battle, they might well kill em if ee went ashore now.

Jilvray began backing out into deeper water. Ee would swim away for a while, wait until things calmed down, and then come back.

But Kiftay lay shivering in es arms, and the sun was going down.

Jilvray looked around. Most of the Clan's children were in the water with em. What would become of them? There were a few smaller ones on shore, crying or staring around in confusion. They had not been harmed. There would undoubtedly be many Parent-less babies, but nothing could be done for them. They were doomed, just as Kiftay was.

Jilvray glanced at the youngsters standing or swimming in the water around em. They seemed in shock, unable to comprehend fully what had happened. Some of them cried for their Parents. A number of the older ones looked to Jilvray, as if for guidance. What if they panicked and tried to swim away? The younger ones could easily become lost in the open sea, or even drown. And if they went ashore anywhere, with darkness coming on, they would fall prey to the grishmauls, or to one of the other nocturnal predators.

Now that the fighting had ended, everything had become strangely quiet. The jeering cry of a circling seabird fell raucously into the eerie silence. There were a few faint cries of pain. On the beach, the attackers stood in scattered groups, dark silhouettes posed almost grotesquely beneath the bright sunset colors in the sky above them.

Now what?

Jilvray made up es mind. The children must go ashore. It was their best chance for survival. Perhaps these other Clans would be willing to take them in? No one could blame children for the actions of their Parents, after all.

Ee waded toward the beach, calling to the youngsters to come with em. Hesitantly, one by one, they began following em in.

Holding Kiftay in es arms, ee limped out of the waves. The invaders would most likely kill em, as they'd killed everyone else. And ee wouldn't blame them a bit. Hilvesh deserved to be destroyed down to the last adult. And ee emself deserved the same fate, for ee had acquiesced in their viciousness.

However, they might be willing to spare the children, if not the adults. It was worth a try.

Ignoring the bodies scattered around the beach, Jilvray fixed es eyes on one of the strangers and trudged over to em.

The scharn ee had singled out had exceptionally dark fur. Es long black mane hung disheveled and wild around es face, giving em a frightening appearance. As ee drew closer, Jilvray could see the red streak of a raw gash down one thigh. The stranger held no spear but looked at es own bloody hands, as if in astonishment at what ee had done. Ee didn't notice Jilvray until Jilvray was almost in front of em, and then ee just stared, es face a dark question.

Without a moment's hesitation, Jilvray knelt down in the sand at the stranger's feet, throwing es head back so es throat was exposed. Perhaps they would kill em quickly and it would be over. They had not seemed cruel so much as determined. Jilvray was satisfied to die along with the rest of es hated Clan. Ee deserved no better.

The stranger's black eyes focussed on em, understanding dawning slowly in their depths. Ee leaned forward, es long fingers closing around Jilvray's throat. Jilvray could feel es own pulse beating under the poised clawnails. The stranger's mind was withdrawn and shielded, es Shell clamped shut. Jilvray made no effort to contact em, although the clawnails against es throat might have made it possible. The stranger obviously did not want such a contact. That meant ee surely intended to kill em.

Good. This would be an easy death. Jilvray met the other scharn's eyes squarely, and waited for the sharp claws to close in es neck.

"Will you not ask for mercy?" the stranger said. There was an unexpected gentleness in es voice, and this encouraged Jilvray to speak.

"For the children of Hilvesh," Jilvray replied hoarsely. Ee swallowed the dry ache of fear in es throat. "That they not be harmed." Ee hesitated, afraid to say anything to displease the stranger. "And for the baby in my arms, that you grant em the mercy of a quick death."

The other scharn considered this, touching Kiftay briefly with es free hand, leaving a streak of blood on the baby's white fur as ee did so.

Jilvray winced at the stranger's touch on es child, but forced emself not to draw back. Surely, ee wouldn't be forced to watch Kiftay's death? "Please," ee begged, "kill me any way you wish, but make it easy for the little one."

The stranger hesitated. Jilvray thought ee saw tears shining in the dark scharn's eyes. Ee probably didn't want to have to kill a baby.

Es hand slid away from Jilvray's throat. "Stand up and come with me," ee ordered.

So it was not going to be that easy, after all. Jilvray struggled to es feet, resigned to a slower death. Kiftay hung limply in es arms, water still dripping from es fur. Jilvray hugged the baby tighter, brushing the top of es head with es lips and inhaling es familiar scent for what ee feared would be the last time. As ee followed the other scharn through the deepening dusk, ee kept es eyes on the sand to avoid seeing the carnage around em. Ee dared not even turn around to find out what had happened to the children who had followed em ashore. Ee was afraid of what ee might see.

"Jilvray?"

The familiar voice cut into es despair and ee raised es eyes, looking around in surprise. Es captor took em by the shoulders and gently turned em to face the voice.

"This is the one you spoke of, Senesh, is it not?" said the dark stranger.

"Yes, Dravish. That's em."

Senesh lay on the sand, with someone kneeling next to em trying to stop the blood running from a long slash down es arm. Senesh must have been involved in the battle after all, despite the egg that made a very noticeable bulge in es midsection.

Jilvray slumped down cross-legged next to em. Ee barely heard Dravish's words as ee reached out to touch Senesh's face, not quite believing it was really em.

"Ee brought the children in from the water, and then thought I meant to kill em," Dravish said to the injured scharn, puzzlement clear in es voice. "How could I kill someone who showed so much concern for the little ones?" ee added softly, kneeling next to Jilvray. "Hasn't there been enough killing already?"

Senesh propped emself up on es elbow, ignoring the protests of the scharn who was trying to bandage the other arm.

"I promised I'd be back, didn't I?" ee said, es amber eyes meeting Jilvray's. "I'm sorry we took so long, but it wasn't easy to get this many Clans to agree to cooperate and come here. You were right. They didn't want to do it." Ee grinned conspiratorially. "But we took your advice. Hilvesh sure didn't expect us to appear out of the woods like that, did they?" Then ee noticed Kiftay, and the enthusiasm in es voice died out. "I -– I didn't think the egg would hatch so quickly. How long --?"

"Almost three tendays," Jilvray replied.

Senesh stared at em in dismay. After a moment that seemed to last forever, ee asked, "May I hold our baby, s'yesha?"

S'yesha, beloved partner. And Senesh still wore the sash of a Hilvesh low-Junior. Did that mean ee still considered emself to be Jilvray's partner?

Jilvray hesitated. Ee was so accustomed to the feel of Kiftay's body against es ee found it hard to relinquish the child. Senesh might blame em, might hold em responsible for the baby's miserable condition.

And yet, Senesh was Third Parent. Kiftay might respond to that.

No, it was too late now. Kiftay was too far gone.

Jilvray handed over the unconscious child ee had tried so hard to save, not knowing how to explain to Senesh. As ee relinquished Kiftay into the other scharn's grasp, it was a wrenching loss, but at the same time, a great relief.

Senesh sank back on the sand, clutching the baby against es chest and stroking em with es uninjured hand. Es fingers closed around Kiftay's head, and the young scharn's eyes fluttered closed as ee sought contact with es baby. Jilvray held es breath. Ee hardly dared hope it might work.

Ee wasn't particularly surprised when it didn't. Kiftay just lay there, unresponsive. In the deepening darkness, the baby was a white blur against Senesh's fur. The white blur smeared and washed sideways, as Jilvray blinked back the tears in es eyes.

Then something snapped. The tears became tears of rage, instead of despair. Ee grabbed the baby away from Senesh and shook it, ranting wildly, "Don't just give up, drown you! You don't have to die! I won't have it, do you understand? I tried too hard to save you! I won't let you give up now!"

All of a sudden, Jilvray wasn't sure if ee was talking to Kiftay or to emself.

Senesh stared in blank surprise at es crazed partner. Then ee tried to sit up, to take Kiftay away from em. Dravish raised one hand in a gesture of negation, and the young scharn collapsed back onto the sand, puzzled.

Even though ee knew it was useless, Jilvray hugged the frail little body tightly against es shoulder, cradling its head in es hands and making contact with es clawnails.

There was nothing, absolutely nothing. Ee might have been holding a dead fish.

No, wait! Was that a tiny flicker of life? Ee couldn't be sure, through the distortion from es two broken claws. Furiously, ee sought a way around the twisted, numb barricade that kept em from es baby.

Wrenching emself out of the maddening contact, Jilvray ruthlessly bit off the tips of es two deformed clawnails, exposing the raw edges of the luminescent nerves buried within the dead nail tissue. Heedless of the pain, ee reached again for Kiftay.

The contact was clearer now. Reaching once more through the cold blackness, ee strained towards the faint glow of the baby's consciousness. Ee could see it, but ee couldn't quite reach it. Kiftay was getting weaker and slipping away.

Determinedly, ee kept up es frantic effort, pushing aside the waves of blackness that threatened to carry em down into death also.

No, I won't let you die! I love you! You must live! You WILL live!

Jilvray's mind seemed to turn inside out as es Inner Shell shimmered and dissolved. A strange vision appeared before em, an interwoven dance of creatures swimming, moving, pursuing each other through the vast ocean of life. It almost caught em up in its sheer vitality. Kiftay was only one of the many things in the intricate web of life, a web stretching from creature to creature and species to species, singing its joy and despair in the chant of the breaking waves.

It was awe-inspiring and heart-breakingly beautiful, almost too much to bear. But Kiftay didn't share in this glory. Es little life flickered weakly, soon to drop out of the dance.

Jilvray seemed to see emself within the spiral twists of a kind of seashell. As the shell curved and opened out, the vision of exuberant life broadened, spread, took in more of the surrounding world. It was tempting to cast emself out through that spiral, to find what might lie beyond, but ee forced emself to turn away. Inward, in the other direction, things seemed to focus down to sharp intensity and detail. If ee went that way, perhaps --?

Visualizing es dying child at the center of the descending spiral, Jilvray wrenched emself away from the tempting vision of the larger world. But it took energy and fierce determination to go that way. It would have been easier to go outwards.

Hideous images streamed past em in the current, images ee didn't want to look at. But if ee looked away, ee was carried backwards. Only by facing them could ee get closer to es baby.

Ee saw emself tempted to betray Senesh, in order not to lose em. Ee saw again es maneuvering to keep the young scharn, even though ee knew in es heart it was wrong. Ee saw emself willing to sacrifice anyone and anything for es baby. And for what?

So there would be someone is this world who would love em, who would need em, who would not despise em for es weakness.

Not love for the child, but only a desperate quest for love for emself.

Jilvray folded in on emself, clutching es head. The inward focus of this vision was no easy thing to bear, since it lit the dark and hidden places of es own mind with a searing and merciless light. Ee could go no further. As if submerged for too long in the sea, es lungs burned for air. Ee had to turn back, swim out of this awful spiral vision before ee could drown.

But Kiftay lay in the opposite direction.

A voice whispered in es head, sounding almost like the dark scharn called Dravish that ee had thought would be es executioner:

"Look beyond the reasons and the past. They don't matter. What will you dare for this child's life? What will you offer in return?"

Jilvray wriggled around this question like a fish impaled on a spear. Then ee answered resolutely, "All I am, all I have, all I might be, and all that is rightfully mine to give."

"Then go on," the implacable voice whispered. "Or give up and turn away."

Gritting es teeth, Jilvray once again forced es way down the descending spiral toward the fading glow of life that beckoned em on. The pressure increased, the water grew colder. What if ee reached the center, and found no air to breathe? What if Kiftay died, and pulled em into the darkness also?

Ee swam on, against the heavy weight of es own fear and despair. Once ee'd thought ee'd welcome death, but ee saw now ee had been wrong. Ee wanted desperately to live. Nevertheless, ee refused to turn around and seek es own salvation.

At last ee could see Kiftay ahead of em. The baby floated limp, long white fur spread out and drifting in a graceful halo around em. Jilvray took the child in es arms and realized it wasn't breathing, had no air to breathe. Clamping es mouth over Kiftay's mouth and nose, Jilvray forced some of es own precious air into es child's lungs, heedless of the burning hunger in es chest. Ee'd never get Kiftay out of this spiral and up to the surface in time. Ee wouldn't even make it emself. But ee wouldn't give up.

A fresh shimmer of life from the baby. Jilvray clutched em tighter in es arms, seeking for contact. Fragile tendrils of fear touched es mind as Kiftay responded. Ee grasped at them, caught them, held them
tightly. "I love you," ee thought fiercely. "I can't save you, but know I love you and you will not go alone into death."

Unable to hold es breath any longer, ee exhaled es last remaining air into the baby, then steeled emself for the shock that would come when ee would have to breathe and feel water fill es lungs. Clutching Kiftay with es last strength, ee inhaled.

The spiral shell collapsed and exploded, both at the same time. Es own familiar Inner Shell coalesced around em, with Kiftay's presence a subdued but definite glimmer nearby.

Jilvray blinked, opening eyes ee did not realize ee had closed. Ee lay on the sand, the strange vision gone. Senesh stared at em, wide-eyed. Es head was in Dravish's lap, the dark scharn just now lifting es hands from Jilvray's temples. Ee was safe, and Kiftay lay against es shoulder, whimpering softly, but alive.

"What -- happened?" Jilvray gasped.

Dravish shook es head. "I don't know. I've never felt anything like that in a contact before. Are you all right?"

"I think so," ee said tentatively, but it was an effort to keep es mind in focus. Ee was as exhausted as if ee'd attempted to swim across the deep ocean. "Got to -- rest. Senesh, take the baby."

Carefully, Senesh lifted Kiftay into es arms. After a moment of surprised hesitation, the baby sighed and then snuggled contentedly against es Third Parent as Senesh made contact with em.

Jilvray covered es face with es hands and wept with relief and joy.

It seemed es hope was not truly dead after all.


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